******!

This woman is *****y. See: serious face/pantsuit.

I don't have a New Year's resolution for 2014. I have a word. A bad word. One that describes most teenage girls and female executives in Lifetime movies. The word starts with a B and rhymes with itchy. 

I'm just going to say it. My theme for 2014 is bitchy. No, I don't want to be in a bad mood all year or rude to those around me. I want to be assertive, to take control of my life and quit letting other people drag me down. As a [former] doormat, I have to push myself all the way to bitchy for others to see me as in charge of my life. 





Ward and I had some childhood friends visit us in Texarkana this weekend and we got to talking about birth order and how it affects your personality. As the youngest child, I'm obviously the spoiled one, and my dad still talks about me like my niece and I are the same age. But instead of being the youngest child who screams until she gets her way, I became the youngest child who did whatever the older kids (or anyone, really) told her to do. I forgot that I needed to take care of me first, others second. 

As a true people-pleaser, it's so hard for me to grasp the notion that I can't be a good friend, daughter, sister, employee, etc. if I'm not a good ME. In the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible, I am 100% a Martha. If I'm not cleaning up while everyone else is sitting in the other room listening to Jesus talk, I'm a self-centered failure. To this day when I read that story, I think about how much I would have wanted to have a rumble with Mary right there in front of God (literally) and everyone. But there's a reason Jesus said Mary was in the right. She was working on her spiritual health (what could be more important?!) before she looked after other people. 

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”  - Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)

If I put my relationship with the Lord - and the life that he has given me - first, then I will have better relationships with those around me. 

This year, I will learn to say "no". I will learn to focus on what God wants me to focus on, not on the demands of others. I will find my value in my true birthright, the one Christ gave me when he died on the cross. I will quit hanging my worth on the affirmation of imperfect humans.