The Five People You Meet in [Thomas Park]

Like I said in my first post, I used to be a lifeguard. Since I never had to actually save a human life, lifeguarding meant that I got really good at observing people from behind my cheap sunglasses. Sometimes I made up stories about what their lives were like, and sometimes they told me about their lives firsthand got close enough for me to eavesdrop. [Don't worry, Red Cross, I was constantly scanning while spying on these innocent patrons.] 

I still can't figure out why I haven't been approached by the CIA with a very exciting job offer. Instead, I use my observant talents on the fair people of Thomas Park, or the Tom Parkers as I like to call them. 

Thomas Park is a scenic little area - about a mile in circumference - where I like to get some fresh air and exercise. It has everything an American park could need, except for a hotdog vendor and a cotton candy machine. I guess it's more of a European park or something, since it's all fitness-based activities and no junk food stands. TP has a swimming pool, two playground areas, basketball courts, tennis courts, pull-up bars, sidewalks and open fields. And a lot of interesting people. 

Just kidding ... this is Central Park.

These are the five people you'll meet at Thomas Park:

1...The Camp Counselor

The camp counselor can be seen in his or her natural habitat at the park, because the camp counselor thrives in the great outdoors...or the local park if no mountains are near. The camp counselor wears Chacos, Keens, Tivas, Toms, or Vans knock-offs. The male camp counselor likely sports a beard of biblical proportions and is probably sitting in the grass playing Chris Tomlin songs on his guitar. The female camp counselor swings in a woven hammock from a large oak tree, meditating on scripture whilst listening to male camp counselor's guitar playing. Sometimes the pair can be seen playing ultimate Frisbee in an open field.

I don't really fit into this category, but after two summers at a Christian youth camp, I am good friends with lots of these lovable hipsters.

2...The International Family

Since Thomas Park is in a college town, lots of international students partake in its humble splendor. Many of these students are from east Asia, the Middle East and India, and in Thomas Park they travel in adorable little families. Since a lot of the international students are getting their PhDs, and a little older than most college students, the ones that frequent Thomas Park have little kids who love to squeal on the playground equipment and swim at the pool when it's open.

I also don't fit into this category, though a little girl from one of these families once offered me a Cheeto. 

3...The Soccer Aficionado

On any given weeknight, in the largest field TP has to offer, you can find the soccer club. The soccer club is a group of guys in their 20s and 30s who meet at the park to prep for the World Cup. I've never figured out how they know who is on whose team since they are all wearing different pro teams' uniforms. Though none of them match each other, the soccer aficionados are always dressed to the nines. If one of them is wearing a Brasil jersey, he's wearing Brasil's colors on his shorts and socks, too. The soccer club is the also largest supporter of the hair gel aisle at HEB. I've learned that the amount of hair gel on a soccer player is directly related to his talent. The firmer/shinier/flashier the hair, the more goals he's going to score. Similarly, the defenders and goalies don't wear hair gel, because they're the blue-collared boys. 

I'm not part of this group either, but I know most of these guys by sight now. I even know what car some of them drive. [I never said I wasn't a creep.]

4...The True Athlete

The True Athlete can be seen running circuits on the tracks, doing suicide sprints on the basketball courts, and doing lunges across the large field. The True Athlete is also the only Tom Parker who uses the pull-up bars for actual strength exercises, and not just for leaning against while flirting with a prancing coed. The True Athlete's goal is the perfect physique, but he picks up a lot of stares, breaks a lot of hearts, and makes a lot of people suddenly self-aware along the way.

As much as I would love to think that I belong in this category, it just isn't even close to true. I do, however, fantasize about becoming one of these the most.

5...The Average Joe/Jane

The Average Joe or Jane can be a myriad of people. It can be a sorority girl who walks with a friend in a date party t-shirt and then calls it a month on the exercise front. It can be a mom who faithfully pushes a stroller around the track every morning. It can be the man who walks with a full cup of coffee in one hand and the leashes of five different dogs in the other. It can be the unicyclist in the bucket hat. It can be the woman who dreams of training for a half marathon, but is going to go for a 5K for now. It can be the awkwardly unathletic guy who plays pickup basketball with his flip flop-wearing friends. Or it can be a girl in her 20s who listens to oldies, reggaeton, Destiny's Child and Christmas music while silently judging everyone around her during her cardio routine. 

In case you didn't catch it, I'm part of this group. Namely, the last person listed. Consider yourself warned: I'm like the one-man neighborhood watch at Thomas Park.

Which one are you??